Sunday
Two, too disturbing for comfortRoads to two venues
Venturing out
Is it me or medication
Gripping the wheel
Count the breath in
Count it out
Six goes in
Twelve comes out
Cold, hot and clammy goes the skin
"Get out, get away," goes the scream from within
"Trapped," shouts the answer
As panic sets in
While IBS crawls from its depths
"Oh God not again"
posted by john @ 4:15 pm
6 Comments:
John~
Your poem captures a Panic and relates the horror of it being a familiar enemy. I'm also struck by the conciseness. We can think nearly a page full of thoughts while experiencing emotion in the span of a single breath. Your poem relays that 'flash,' the condensation that the Panic is composed of.
Laurie
Panic cannot be reasoned with when it has you by the throat or the bowels. IBS is the curse from within. It has a hot-line between emotion, stress, one's current situation, helplessness, and feeling as a captured or cornered animal must feel. Out of control and out of hiding places, both mental and physical. IBS is balanced on a hair-trigger, which can loom all too large in recurring situations.
It has a recognised clinical and medical link, with those of us who keep unwanted elephants. Avoiding elephant encounters is not always possible, and one has to be terribly selfish towards friends and family, if one has to get through one's day.
Saying "no," requires far more courage than acquiescing. For those who spent a lifetime acquiescing, the mind-shift is enormous and monumental. Too many words end in '-mental.'
Dear John~
Sounds like a terrorist of an elephant, this one.
I can see the dilemma you describe so well.
I hope you can replace the term "selfish" with something that reflects the true nature of what you are forced to deal with. When any activity is done by you, which puts you at risk, those are climbs up Mt. McKinley for you and a walk in the park for others. You should not further punish yourself for these things that already make navigating your life hard enough.
love,
L
"Selfish" is a term I have learned to use. Not in a me,me,me, way, but in the mindset of putting my mind and body before anything else. A difficult one to learn until my specialists said I had to get myself right before attempting to help others. I'm of no use to family and friends until I am safe and able to function properly. I hope this explains the 'selfish' word.
Hiya John~
I see what you mean. It seemed to have a self deprecating connotation without the explanation. With the explanation, it is more along the lines of self-preservation. Since there is no 'choice' there is no self blame to be had. Change is never easy, no matter what the causes.
I'm relieved to see it has a more positive spin than what I first read. :o)
I didn't mean to create a sitution where you felt you needed to explain yourself. I will be more careful in the future.
best wishes,
Laurie
My first reaction to being told I must be 'selfish' was the same as everybody else's. The word carries a negative descriptive presence within its current usage. Once it was explained to me in terms that realised its fullest meaning, I relaxed into the use of the word. I must have come far to be able to use it without registering the usual negative aspect, that most people get from it.
I think it answers my signature in Tom's forum. Not only does 'language' live, evolve and change, it also carries its own history within it. I enjoy Shakespeare, so it must be something in me, which is a bit of a throwback.
It is why I am so cynical about politicians. Listen to a speech and then read the speech, and the meaning is seldom the same. They use words to cover their history; I use words to hopefully reveal their history.
Do not even attempt to be more careful in future. Speak it as it is and not as you perceive others will read it.
I want this Blog to take no prisoners, especially me.
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